Derailed by a miscarriage
You know, I'd actually come to terms with the whole single child scenario. Life just wasn't so bad that it was worth getting my knickers in a twist. That was... until the unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage this past fall.
What the *%&)^)*$#??? We just assumed that I was not capable of becoming pregnant again. Why? I guess the failure of all of the last three IVF treatments (4 blastocysts and 4 embryos - all rated the highest quality possible at our fertility clinic) just suggested it.
So what did we do after all the IVF failures? Assumed that pregnancy (planned or unplanned)was not at all likely to happen. We even shelved all our frozen embryos because we figured really, what was the point?
And then of course, just for a laugh, someone decides I deserve an unplanned pregnancy a few months prior to my 43 birthday and just to top it off, a prolonged, emotionally and physically draining miscarriage. And then it also opened up all the potential associated with our frozen embryos.
I didn't need this.
Some days are fine, some days aren't.
We were careful with the last pregnancy (and the previous 3 unsuccessful pregnancies) not to mention anything about a potential baby around our son. However, somewhere with phone calls to and from the doctor, emergency trips to ultrasound clinics and hospitals my son must have clued in to the situation. He just about broke my heart when a couple of days after the miscarriage he said to me with enormous pride "I'm going to be a big brother soon aren't I?"
Just totally out of the blue.
Anyway, I have to get a grip on this - maybe I'm just perimenopausal and everything seems sadder than it should.
D
You know, I'd actually come to terms with the whole single child scenario. Life just wasn't so bad that it was worth getting my knickers in a twist. That was... until the unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage this past fall.
What the *%&)^)*$#??? We just assumed that I was not capable of becoming pregnant again. Why? I guess the failure of all of the last three IVF treatments (4 blastocysts and 4 embryos - all rated the highest quality possible at our fertility clinic) just suggested it.
So what did we do after all the IVF failures? Assumed that pregnancy (planned or unplanned)was not at all likely to happen. We even shelved all our frozen embryos because we figured really, what was the point?
And then of course, just for a laugh, someone decides I deserve an unplanned pregnancy a few months prior to my 43 birthday and just to top it off, a prolonged, emotionally and physically draining miscarriage. And then it also opened up all the potential associated with our frozen embryos.
I didn't need this.
Some days are fine, some days aren't.
We were careful with the last pregnancy (and the previous 3 unsuccessful pregnancies) not to mention anything about a potential baby around our son. However, somewhere with phone calls to and from the doctor, emergency trips to ultrasound clinics and hospitals my son must have clued in to the situation. He just about broke my heart when a couple of days after the miscarriage he said to me with enormous pride "I'm going to be a big brother soon aren't I?"
Just totally out of the blue.
Anyway, I have to get a grip on this - maybe I'm just perimenopausal and everything seems sadder than it should.
D
posted by DinosaurD at 6:35 PM
5 Comments:
Hi D.
I just wanted to say "hello" and I am sorry you are going through all of this.
I'm glad you got a blog!
Ugh...that would have made me unbearably sad too. I don't think it has anything at all to do with hormones.
I'm so sorry for your losses and your struggle. I don't know why it can't be easier. I just don't.
((((HUGS)))
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Thanks for your comment on my blog- I didn't realize you were a reader. Your son's comment breaks my heart- luckily my son seems kind of obliviously (although he asks a lot when he's going to have a brother or sister). Good luck in your upcoming FET.
It is completely heart breaking; I'm so sorry.
My daughter asks about our 'little baby' a couple of times a week (IVF mc at 14 weeks). She says she would have been her friend and she wishes it only took a day to grow a baby so that she wouldn't have died.
It is so painful.
LEB
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