The Age Thing
I'm not sure how some of you will react to this but... sometimes when I read about someone who is embarking on their first IVF (or IUI) and they are less than say 38 or so, I feel a tad of bitterness. Deep inside there is a part of me that wants to yell - yeah, get back to me when you're 40 and still on the IVF rollercoster. Or get back to me when you've had four unsuccessful fresh IVF cycles or better yet, get back to me when you're over 40, had four unsuccessful IVF cycles and four miscarriages.
And most of the time I don't feel that way - most of the time I understand that everyone should be able to have a child without IVF. That someone who is 21 and starting on IVF can hurt just as badly as anyone else - there's no corner on unhappiness.
But sometimes, the poignancy of IVF failure when you're at the end of the road is something altogether different.
Here's to Julianna and to one hell of a brave woman. May she find her way through this.
DinoD
I'm not sure how some of you will react to this but... sometimes when I read about someone who is embarking on their first IVF (or IUI) and they are less than say 38 or so, I feel a tad of bitterness. Deep inside there is a part of me that wants to yell - yeah, get back to me when you're 40 and still on the IVF rollercoster. Or get back to me when you've had four unsuccessful fresh IVF cycles or better yet, get back to me when you're over 40, had four unsuccessful IVF cycles and four miscarriages.
And most of the time I don't feel that way - most of the time I understand that everyone should be able to have a child without IVF. That someone who is 21 and starting on IVF can hurt just as badly as anyone else - there's no corner on unhappiness.
But sometimes, the poignancy of IVF failure when you're at the end of the road is something altogether different.
Here's to Julianna and to one hell of a brave woman. May she find her way through this.
DinoD
posted by DinosaurD at 3:03 PM
6 Comments:
I think it's a reasonable feeling... Not that I need to validate your feelings because while I can empathize with you about your losses I can't even begin to know how you feel after doing IVF or feeling like you're at the end of the road.
It's a different feeling and that's okay... I think finding our way through this is all anyone can really truly hope to do some days... Know we're here, we're listening and most importantly we're not going to bash you for your thoughts.
Oh yes, absolutely. It's a different feeling, and even more profound, because all shreds of hope go away.
There are no options left, at least not in that particular way.
While I am not longer crushed by my losses and appreciate deeply what I have. I am still waiting for those losses to be okay, still waiting to be grateful that things have turned out the way they have.
I have no words of wisdom for Julianna, except for one foot in front of the other. Much harder than it sounds at first blush.
Agreed, there is no way to quantify the pain of infertility at any age, but there is a special level of Hell for those of us who've gone through whatever level of ART we could stand/afford, and are left at the end with nothing to show for it. Like Patricia, I am slowly healing but the scar will always be there, no matter what else my life has in store.
I understand where those feelings come from. Good thing you have a blog where you can air them freely. :-)
Facing the end of the line must be very difficult. I want to get all of this over and done with, but I fear I won't be able to handle it.
Take care.
no hurt feelings here. I can empathise with you. I think we all have an end. While mine might not be my age, it will be money and time. We are self pay and it can't go on forever. As well, my husband's vas-reversal is over 2yrs old so we are racing the clock with scar tissue.
We all feel a special and unique pain on this journey. I am sorry that any of us have to be on it.
I feel the same way. But then you have people who are 28 and have done 4 IVFs and had a miscarriage, I hate to say her pain is less. It's all very confusing.
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