So Tired
I am so tired of saying good-bye to this baby. Yes, I'm saying "baby" as we are past the embryonic stage and they actually gave us an ultrasound picture this time. Heartbeat is fine, growth is fine, bleeding is not fine and still no one has a clue as to the cause.
About every hour (or so) I am convinced that a miscarriage is imminent. I am so, so tired of trying to not worry and trying to feel anything at all about all of this (other than a general unease and conviction that something is wrong).
And I'm NOT going to apologize - fuck it, this is the seventh pregnancy and I still have one living child (plus something that has yet to convince anyone of its viability).
I spent some time last night writing (in my head) the post that would tell you the ultrasound today showed no heartbeat. And I did the same thing the night prior to the previous ultrasound. (At least I'll be prepared).
So, the nuchal - not until the first week of January (provided I'm still pregnant at that point). It will be close to too late (timing wise) so I better not be sick that day or anything.
Feel free to swear at me but unless you've been here, I don't think you can really appreciate the mindfuck.
DinoD
I am so tired of saying good-bye to this baby. Yes, I'm saying "baby" as we are past the embryonic stage and they actually gave us an ultrasound picture this time. Heartbeat is fine, growth is fine, bleeding is not fine and still no one has a clue as to the cause.
About every hour (or so) I am convinced that a miscarriage is imminent. I am so, so tired of trying to not worry and trying to feel anything at all about all of this (other than a general unease and conviction that something is wrong).
And I'm NOT going to apologize - fuck it, this is the seventh pregnancy and I still have one living child (plus something that has yet to convince anyone of its viability).
I spent some time last night writing (in my head) the post that would tell you the ultrasound today showed no heartbeat. And I did the same thing the night prior to the previous ultrasound. (At least I'll be prepared).
So, the nuchal - not until the first week of January (provided I'm still pregnant at that point). It will be close to too late (timing wise) so I better not be sick that day or anything.
Feel free to swear at me but unless you've been here, I don't think you can really appreciate the mindfuck.
DinoD
posted by DinosaurD at 12:52 PM
9 Comments:
We & us, so I take it you've told your husband about your 'delicate condition' then. Or did I dream reading a post about you planning to do the FET without him knowing?
Apologize? What on earth for!
Nope, I don't know what your shoes feel like. But I know I'm not keen on trying them. :-S
Just thinking of you, and am very glad that you haven't had to use the post that you'd written so far.
why would you have to apologise? because now and then one of us out here throws a tanty? na that's our issue to deal with you got plenty to worry about and as for swearing it's my favourite pastime I'm just hurt you don't want to join in :o)
so good to hear from you Dino and I'm sekritly happy things may still work out for you and this baby.
What else is there to say?
Do they really have no idea what's going on with the bleeding? I really wish I understood the health system there better.
I can so relate to what you are going through and wish I lived closer, not that there is anything I can do to stop the bleeding but to at least be there for you.
At this point, I just hope that you have a Merry Christmas and get to the New Year without any drama other then the usual with relatives. ;)
I know the frustration of bleeding and worrying and the doctor's not being able to figure out why. It sucks ass, there I swore for you.
Take care and know I will be thinking of you as I try to hide from my crazy in-laws over the holidays.
If only I knew where you lived I could offer up my in laws house and say - "Shhh we'll go to a hospital and make them do a nuchal... and maybe actually uhm figure out what the heck is up with that bleeding." We could smuggle you across the border :) Too bad none of us know tom because we'd be stealing his u/s machine and sending it to your house.
If I could send you sleep I would... if I could send you answers I would do that as well. If I could send you a doctor with a clue and sense of urgency I would do that as well...
I wish I could have the ability to see the future and tell you how this will turn out - for better or for worse... I again don't have that ability - but seriously would pay a lot of money for it. Ultimately know you can swear, curse, go nuts, etc while I've never been in your shoes I'm standing on the side lines hoping for the best for you guys and the baby.
Sorry friend - wish I had better ways to help fix this.
Nah, I'm not going to swear at you- I'm just hoping and wishing that this all works out for you guys, you've been through way too much for it not to. That's what I figure anyway....
Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. The fact that this baby has hung in there is a good thing. The bleeding is clearly a really bad thing. I hope the balance is on the former.
No apologizes necessary. We're still here, hoping, and reading.
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