This One May Just Break My Heart

First ultrasound: Heartbeat 121, measuring 3/4 days behind where it should be (by lmp, ovulation and first hcg level)

Second ultrasound: Heartbeat 160 something, measuring the correct size

BUT... still spotting (no one knows why), I have a large fibroid that could cause problems if the pregnancy continues (it's inside the uterus), and with my history of genetically challenged embyos this is still a long shot.

They are trying to get me in for a nuchal but it depends on availability (and assuming the embryo is still alive by then). I lost it - picture me shouting "I am 44, have five previous miscarriages three of which were confirmed trisomies and THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FIT ME IN?????"

Do not give me any shit here about how wonderful our medical system is - yeah it doesn't cost me much and sometimes that is exactly what it's worth.

I find myself breathing so shallowly that I'm worried I'm becoming oxygen deprived (maybe that would explain us going on this ride again).

AND NO - REPEAT NO CONGRATULATIONS. If we ever get to a baby we can hold we will celebrate but until then we assume we just haven't been given the really bad news yet.

DinoD