Missing
One of the things I have discovered in my attempt to post everyday is that it is generally *NOT* feasible to post on the weekends. If my house were more organized and less messy I might be able to swing enough time to write something but chaos seems to be the norm in our household. This last weekend was a three-day weekend for us (Remembrance Day - November 11th) and hence my absence for a while.
What I am trying to figure out is if there is any space for me to continue as a blogger. A part of me just wants to delete my blog and stop posting entirely. A larger part of me wants to find a reason to continue writing here. But the largest part of me (because I am rather large and therefore each component is quite hefty) is worried that I really don't have much to say anymore (after all, how many pictures can I post and how much do you really want to hear about my children anyway).
Part of what motivates me to keep at this is the fact that I miss a number of people who no longer blog. When Julianna mentioned Emily and Wessel, I felt a little hollowness for a moment (more people that I miss). I don't know how to read someone being absolutely honest with their emotions and not identify with them at least a little. And there are at least seven or eight bloggers that I think I will *ALWAYS* remember. I will be 90 years old, in the nursing home and I will not be asking about my children but rather I'll be asking complete strangers "what ever happened to Julianna?"
DD said to me in an email something to the effect that in a few years time we would only vaguely remember each other - perhaps this was just wishful thinking on her part.
So how do you bare your soul to someone and then walk away? That's what I've been trying to figure out.
DinoD
One of the things I have discovered in my attempt to post everyday is that it is generally *NOT* feasible to post on the weekends. If my house were more organized and less messy I might be able to swing enough time to write something but chaos seems to be the norm in our household. This last weekend was a three-day weekend for us (Remembrance Day - November 11th) and hence my absence for a while.
What I am trying to figure out is if there is any space for me to continue as a blogger. A part of me just wants to delete my blog and stop posting entirely. A larger part of me wants to find a reason to continue writing here. But the largest part of me (because I am rather large and therefore each component is quite hefty) is worried that I really don't have much to say anymore (after all, how many pictures can I post and how much do you really want to hear about my children anyway).
Part of what motivates me to keep at this is the fact that I miss a number of people who no longer blog. When Julianna mentioned Emily and Wessel, I felt a little hollowness for a moment (more people that I miss). I don't know how to read someone being absolutely honest with their emotions and not identify with them at least a little. And there are at least seven or eight bloggers that I think I will *ALWAYS* remember. I will be 90 years old, in the nursing home and I will not be asking about my children but rather I'll be asking complete strangers "what ever happened to Julianna?"
DD said to me in an email something to the effect that in a few years time we would only vaguely remember each other - perhaps this was just wishful thinking on her part.
So how do you bare your soul to someone and then walk away? That's what I've been trying to figure out.
DinoD
posted by DinosaurD at 4:45 PM
4 Comments:
I have seen many bloggers who I thought I could be "BFF" with, even a couple I have actually met, that I thought, even fantasized about, would always be a part of my life.
Unfortunately, I was sadly disallusioned by what happened in real life. Maybe that's just me and how things usually play out for me. I have absolutely no contact with any of my childhood friends. I barely remember the names of my friends from college.
Maybe while I appear to bare my soul on my blog, I am in some ways keeping my distance from the people I would love to love my whole life, but fear to let them down. Or worse yet, I fear the rejection.
I'm only a tenth interesting in real life than in my blog, and that's obviously not saying much. I would love for certain women I have met through blogging to always have a special place in my heart, but I don't know how to do that without coming across as needy.
There's nothing I wanted to do more than to have called you on Sunday. There's nothing I wish I could no more than call you now.
And I tell you this in a comment, not an email, to openly admit to those who come after me that I will never forget you, D. Never.
I so admire those people who can continue to blog, especially those who are on completely different paths than when they first started their blog.
I really felt that my blog would be about my journey to have children - I never really thought it would never, ever happen and thus my blog became a reminder of my complete failures.
Sometimes, I actually cringe when I think of things I used to blog about. I was so naive to think that it was safe and a loving environment. So, I poured my soul when perhaps I should have been more prudent and reserved. I kick myself and not anyone else. I really should have had some sort of filter but alas.....
I think of the women I have loved through their blogs as always holding bits of my heart forever, just as previous boyfriend relationships will always have a little piece of my heart. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it is how I truly feel.
Like DD, I loved and lost contact with many people in my real life but I still continue to think fondly of them. When I was in the 9th grade, I had attended nine different schools. I suppose I grew used to loving and moving but just because I was on another path, it never meant to me that my previous relationships were lessened.
I feel fortunate to have loved so many wonderful people and I hope to love many more in the future.
I often wonder about people and suppose I will until I die as well.
You are a wonderful woman who is loved by many and will continue to be loved whether you blog or not.
I personally love reading your blog and seeing pictures of your beautiful family. It makes me smile.
Thank you so much for everything,
Julianna
I really hope you keep posting. I DO love the pictures and hearing about the doings of your family.
On posting everyday....hell I try to post once a week and hardly do that:)
DinoD, don't go away, okay ? (otherwise i have to hunt you down in Vancouver...just kidding, but still I like to hear how you're doing!)
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