Tomorrow
I have a scan tomorrow afternoon (moved up by exactly 4 days). I was seven weeks today and so whatever the results (like there's any question), they should be definitive. No heartbeat tomorrow means no heartbeat ever and that's exactly what I expect to be the verdict.
Unfortunately, the hormone thing is totally kicking me in the butt. I am getting all weepy with very little provocation. Well actually, some of the recent posts in blogland would probably make me all weepy even without the hormone overload.
At some point in each miscarriage (except the one very early one), I reach this point of emotional overload. I begin to fabricate all these ludicrous outcomes such as “it’s a twin pregnancy and I’m just likely to lose one” or “bleeding doesn’t mean miscarriage for about half of those women who bleed and this one time, I’m going to be on the right side of the percentages.”
And then it gets uglier – I take on God with something close to “let’s make a deal”. He’s never been interested before so I’m not sure why I possibly think this time would be any different.
So I feel like I’m entering the dark, dank tunnel of despair and I’m not likely to emerge until this is all over (please lord, soon – not that I think you’re listening to this either).
My new mantra: “I am strong, I am strong, I am strong …”
DinoD
I have a scan tomorrow afternoon (moved up by exactly 4 days). I was seven weeks today and so whatever the results (like there's any question), they should be definitive. No heartbeat tomorrow means no heartbeat ever and that's exactly what I expect to be the verdict.
Unfortunately, the hormone thing is totally kicking me in the butt. I am getting all weepy with very little provocation. Well actually, some of the recent posts in blogland would probably make me all weepy even without the hormone overload.
At some point in each miscarriage (except the one very early one), I reach this point of emotional overload. I begin to fabricate all these ludicrous outcomes such as “it’s a twin pregnancy and I’m just likely to lose one” or “bleeding doesn’t mean miscarriage for about half of those women who bleed and this one time, I’m going to be on the right side of the percentages.”
And then it gets uglier – I take on God with something close to “let’s make a deal”. He’s never been interested before so I’m not sure why I possibly think this time would be any different.
So I feel like I’m entering the dark, dank tunnel of despair and I’m not likely to emerge until this is all over (please lord, soon – not that I think you’re listening to this either).
My new mantra: “I am strong, I am strong, I am strong …”
DinoD
posted by DinosaurD at 6:47 PM
4 Comments:
I am weepy for you as well. I am blown away by how painful it must be to be something you want so badly, and believing that it won't be possible. I continue to be hopeful and keep you in my thoughts.
I hate the weepy part... know I'm weepy for you as well. I don't even know what to say about the scan today. Know I'm thinking of you and saying your mantra over and over again.
DinoD you are strong... you are so very strong. csfk
You are strong. You will get through this awful experience. Hoping very hard - or course, preferably for a good outcome, bu at least for a somewhat less painful experience this time.
Well? Are you back yet? I hope it went better then expected, down Pollyanna, down girl! Sorry, just can't control her, you know.
Word verification is:
arsqumdt in case you wanted to know.
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