Too Scared to Breath (reprise)
So, the cardiologist said (and I quote), "as far as we can tell, everything looks normal". Can you hear me finally exhaling? And then starting the next period of holding my breath.
All I can think is that sooner or later we are not going to be able to dodge one of these bullets. Yes, that's me, just a little ray of sunshine. I am enormously relieved and thankful that the echocardiogram seemed to be fine. I am also experienced enough now to determine things like if there is regurgitation (of blood flow through the heart valves) on a doppler and what the aortic arch should look like on the echo. They took 12 cross sectional views of the heart and measured various things like velocity(?) and then said that they couldn't make any promises but so far, the heart doesn't look any different than the norm. They are fairly cautious not to say that everything is okay and I understand their reasons.
The nurse from last Thursday asked me to tell her how things went after the Echo but I didn't see her and I didn't want to pull her away from anything. Did you buy that? The real reason is that I knew (without a doubt) that if I actually said to her "everything looks fine" that I was going to lose it and start sobbing. I am NOT a person who is prone to tears but something about maintaining emotional control over the last week and a half has taken a bit of a toll.
I finally showed the 19 week ultrasound to my husband last night. It just seemed too cruel a thing to show him if we were just about to lose this baby (and no, I don't mean misplacing it at the grocery store). He almost became as emotional as I've been lately (which for us native born Canadians means that he blinked a little more than usual).
So, any bets on when the next bullet's going to be fired?
DinoD
So, the cardiologist said (and I quote), "as far as we can tell, everything looks normal". Can you hear me finally exhaling? And then starting the next period of holding my breath.
All I can think is that sooner or later we are not going to be able to dodge one of these bullets. Yes, that's me, just a little ray of sunshine. I am enormously relieved and thankful that the echocardiogram seemed to be fine. I am also experienced enough now to determine things like if there is regurgitation (of blood flow through the heart valves) on a doppler and what the aortic arch should look like on the echo. They took 12 cross sectional views of the heart and measured various things like velocity(?) and then said that they couldn't make any promises but so far, the heart doesn't look any different than the norm. They are fairly cautious not to say that everything is okay and I understand their reasons.
The nurse from last Thursday asked me to tell her how things went after the Echo but I didn't see her and I didn't want to pull her away from anything. Did you buy that? The real reason is that I knew (without a doubt) that if I actually said to her "everything looks fine" that I was going to lose it and start sobbing. I am NOT a person who is prone to tears but something about maintaining emotional control over the last week and a half has taken a bit of a toll.
I finally showed the 19 week ultrasound to my husband last night. It just seemed too cruel a thing to show him if we were just about to lose this baby (and no, I don't mean misplacing it at the grocery store). He almost became as emotional as I've been lately (which for us native born Canadians means that he blinked a little more than usual).
So, any bets on when the next bullet's going to be fired?
DinoD
posted by DinosaurD at 12:30 PM
5 Comments:
Can we call the baby "Scrappy" because wow he/she has definitely been a fighter. I am so glad to hear that so far everything looks fine and if I was closer to you I would give you a hug and take you out for dinner.
As for the next bullet... I think that it would be wise to wear your bullet proof body armor but I'm praying that you will be able to breathe normally and that you won't have any more bullets to dodge. Know all of us at the crazy house of dogs are rooting for all of you..
what a tremendous relief this must be - for now. I'm so glad the cardiologist didn't find anything outside the norm with your baby's heart. And I hope so much, there won't be another bullet for you guys to deal with. A girl can hope, right? Sleep and rest well tonight, my neighbor Canadians. Spring seems to be in the air here in the Northwest.
I'm voting for no more bullets at all, only sunshine and flowers. And I'm not smoking anything.
You just stay the heck away from Milwaukee and you should be bullet free. ;)
Can you please email me? I have a question.
I am very happy that you are maintaining your agility with the bullet dodging. You will just sail through that labor since you will be so very fit. ;)
thank you for sharing your story. I am terribly worried about my next heart scan too, but reading your story makes it clear that alarming results don't mean anything. Good luck!
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