The Fourth Time I Cried

I have cried exactly four times with this pregnancy (and I am generally NOT a crier).

The first time was when I went for the first ultrasound around 6 weeks and I was already bleeding. I thought I was prepared for anything. I could have been told ectopic, blighted ovum, molar pregnancy... and I wouldn't have cried (I didn't cry at any of the ultrasounds for my miscarriages). But... but... when I was told there was a heartbeat, I lost it a little. I was prepared for everything except that.

Then I cried twice during the eleven days between when I was told about the possibility of a congenital heart defect and the echocardiogram that was normal. The crying was late at night by myself and also consisted of muttered apologies to the baby.

The fourth time I cried was today. Eleven days ago I was told that I was measuring too large for dates and that it looked like I had Polyhydramnios. This would not only increase my already high risk for placental abruption but is also associated (around 20% of the time) with fetal problems such as trisomies and hydoencephaly (I passed the gestational diabetes screen so it wasn't likely to be due to that). Needless to say, the last eleven days have felt like forever (11 days again due to our public health system).

So at the ultrasound today, we found out that the baby is measuring a little larger than normal (both head and stomach) but that everything looks fine and is in proportion. I have a lot of amniotic fluid but am not at the stage of Polyhydramnios. Even though I have only put on 5 pounds (and lord I've been trying, believe me), the baby looks well nourished and developmentally normal. I actually felt comfortable enough with the results that I asked for the gender at the end of the scan.

I bought and then gave my husband a small bag of baby clothes to look through after the appointment. There were just a few things in white and a little bit of red and at the bottom of the bag was a small pink bonnet.

DinoD