Nothing, just nothing
I'm still hanging in there (or maybe it would be more accurate to say that the baby is still hanging in there). I just can't muster the will to write about bleeding, amount of bleeding, absence of bleeding or survival rates for premies.
I do not "do" pregnancy well. I suck at this and I don't want anyone to tell me "at least you're pregnant" - yeah, I've wrapped my mind around that already. And no, I wouldn't give up this pregnancy for anything in the world (if I didn't care that much about it, this would all be so much easier).
Things that piss me off (in no particular order but because it is that kind of day)
1. People who think that fertile women don't truly appreciate their children. I had no history of infertility and no problems conceiving my son and he has ALWAYS been at the very center of my heart. I don't think I have ever even taken a day with him for granted (of course he is a sweetheart and this makes it pretty easy on me).
2. If anyone sees me holding (or rubbing) my stomach these days and thinks nasty thoughts about me. I am in major discomfort and pressing slightly on my bludging stomach seems to help - so sue me.
3. Knowing that I am supposed to rush to emergency (via ambulance) if I feel a lot of pain. Well, I have had major discomfort slipping over into pain for the last 10 weeks or so. Ah... exactly how am I supposed to know what the precise level of pain is to call the ambulance? I have told my husband if I am incohert or unable to talk, then phone 911.
4. The fact that no one in our families yet know about this pregnancy because we don't trust some of them to respect confidentiality, or to respect that this might all end really badly and because some of them will use any open wound as an opportunity for invasive prodding and poking.
5. People who think they corner the market on suffering.
Oh lord, I'm not really that pissed off. I'm just going a little insane from the relentless countdown to where this baby might be viable (and without major handicap) if I go into premature labour or suffer a placental abruption.
I'm tired and then.... I'm tired. Trying to have a baby at age 44 is no piece of cake (speaking of which, I'm now at 26 weeks and have managed to put on a whole 5 pounds during that time - waaa-hooo).
Gotta go - no news from here probably means I am still counting how many weeks and days along I am (first thing every morning, last thing every night and countless times during the day).
DinoD (the non-perky one)
I'm still hanging in there (or maybe it would be more accurate to say that the baby is still hanging in there). I just can't muster the will to write about bleeding, amount of bleeding, absence of bleeding or survival rates for premies.
I do not "do" pregnancy well. I suck at this and I don't want anyone to tell me "at least you're pregnant" - yeah, I've wrapped my mind around that already. And no, I wouldn't give up this pregnancy for anything in the world (if I didn't care that much about it, this would all be so much easier).
Things that piss me off (in no particular order but because it is that kind of day)
1. People who think that fertile women don't truly appreciate their children. I had no history of infertility and no problems conceiving my son and he has ALWAYS been at the very center of my heart. I don't think I have ever even taken a day with him for granted (of course he is a sweetheart and this makes it pretty easy on me).
2. If anyone sees me holding (or rubbing) my stomach these days and thinks nasty thoughts about me. I am in major discomfort and pressing slightly on my bludging stomach seems to help - so sue me.
3. Knowing that I am supposed to rush to emergency (via ambulance) if I feel a lot of pain. Well, I have had major discomfort slipping over into pain for the last 10 weeks or so. Ah... exactly how am I supposed to know what the precise level of pain is to call the ambulance? I have told my husband if I am incohert or unable to talk, then phone 911.
4. The fact that no one in our families yet know about this pregnancy because we don't trust some of them to respect confidentiality, or to respect that this might all end really badly and because some of them will use any open wound as an opportunity for invasive prodding and poking.
5. People who think they corner the market on suffering.
Oh lord, I'm not really that pissed off. I'm just going a little insane from the relentless countdown to where this baby might be viable (and without major handicap) if I go into premature labour or suffer a placental abruption.
I'm tired and then.... I'm tired. Trying to have a baby at age 44 is no piece of cake (speaking of which, I'm now at 26 weeks and have managed to put on a whole 5 pounds during that time - waaa-hooo).
Gotta go - no news from here probably means I am still counting how many weeks and days along I am (first thing every morning, last thing every night and countless times during the day).
DinoD (the non-perky one)
posted by DinosaurD at 9:37 AM
10 Comments:
No news is good news. There is some truth to that platitude.
1) I'm convinced my infertility will color the relationship I might have with a child. Appreciation of kids is a bell curve, some people do, some people clearly don't so much.
4) You can't choose your family. Still, one might hope they'd respect your feelings. 'Blood* is thicker than water' should count in situations other than revenge.
I hope you have friends that are more supportive.
*Bio or adoptive blood, let's not even go there.
5) Um, yeah.
Baby, hang in there!
Wishing you the best possible outcome after this ordeal.
from my extensive research into families and therefore people I have come to the conclusion that...
People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
leave the perkiness for those that vomit sunshine and press your belly whenever you need too. hoping against hope that the next few weeks bring no pain no blood and in a month or so a beautiful babe.
Ironic understatement. I love it. At one end of the scale there is perkiness, at the other end there is you.
26 weeks is not at all shabby. And I'm sure you know that the weight gain is what it is, that the baby will be sucking nutrition from you no matter what.
But oh goodness, it would be good if it was easier, less painful, less tense.
DinoD, thanks for updating! And I hope you didn't lose any sleep over the funny noises coming from south of you...(actually, it wasn't bad at all).
rub your belly as much as you want/need. I know I would!
I hate your supervisor. Your supervisor is *lame*.
I hope things go well for you, glad you're okay.
Keep hanging in there and we will be here to listen!
Okay I totally commented on the wrong blog, sorry. I had two blogger comment windows open and messed up.
I meant to say, Hang tough. Hang in there. I'm cheering you on.
I am so glad that baby is hanging in there and so are you. I am glad you posted again. These long absences get me a bit frantic.
You know you are supposed to be worried about us, right? ;) KIDDING!!!
But I really do worry and I am very glad that all appears well so far. (that wasn't too much Pollyanna, was it?)
Everyday is one day more of development and that much closer to the finish line and if I could be there to hug you the day you cross that line, you know I would.
I'm so glad to see an update from you. I was hoping no news was in fact good news, but I'm a paranoid girl at the best of times - let alone when it involves baby times.
However I do understand that sometimes you just need your time and space, and I hope you take all that and more.
I'm rooting for you SO much. And I hope you continue to rub that belly with reckless abandon.
((((HUGGING))) from afar
What a difficult time for you! The best part about blogs is that you can share - or not share - information at your discretion.
You are in my thoughts.
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