Good Grief

I can't even leave a comment on Sami's blog now without having to sign in to blogger - what's with that? And my son posts far more often and has more traffic than I ever hope to have - what's with that as well?

Anyway, my musing #2 is how easy (or difficult) it is to change. I know that everyone changes slowly and it's the only constant in life and all that stuff. But how easy is it to just up and decide to be different, to do things differently, to try something else with your life?

I realize this sounds too grandiose for where I am - it's not like I'm going to up and chuck out the kids or my husband but at the same time, I'm tired of where I am.

I really don't spend hardly any time thinking of the years I struggled with infertility or the toll it took but occasionally I look in the mirror and I can't separate how I look just due to the aging process and how I look due to not taking care of myself and that started way back around 9 years ago when we started to try and have child #2.

I remember injecting, thinking that I was going to force my damn body to cough up another child and that kind of anger and hostility I kept directed at myself for a long, long time. When does that become so ingrained that you just hang on to it as trying to unravel it is just too damn hard.

I had registered for a workshop on goal setting and one of my goals was going to become a lot healthier but.... I missed it because I was sick. At least this still makes me laugh a little.

Another goal is to try to find time to write out some goals but... I haven't found the time for it yet.

And are these just more excuses to stay in the familiar rut - could someone just give me a good boot to the rear?

DinoD